Do you ever just needed to write? Just sit down and write? I do, I find it helps me. I have no idea what I want to say, but I need to write. I am so full of mixed emotions, I don't even know how to express the way I'm feeling. All I can think about is Kyson's surgery. If I let myself think too much about it I just want to bawl my eyes out, but I shouldn't...I know better. I have the hope, faith, and comfort from the atonement of Jesus Christ. He knows my needs, and he knows Kyson's needs. He has given us so many miracles in Kyson's little life and I am so grateful for them. I try to stay focused on these things but then for just a moment I start to feel sorry for myself and I am overcome with sadness again. Maybe that's part of the reason I have been given this trial. I need to learn to completely rely on and have faith in my Savior.

My dear Kyson is only five months old and he has to go through so much. I don't want to see him suffer and in pain and I wish I could take that pain from him. I am grateful that he is young and doesn't understand what is going to happen to him and he won't remember everything he has gone through. I will never forget the last five months. I will never forget the day he was born and how special it was to bring home a "perfect" little baby. He was so sweet and so beautiful. We have been through so much together since that time. It has been a long five months. Soon we will be back in the hospital, but hopefully it will be the last time for a couple of years.

We are given trials to grow and learn so I hope I have grown and become a better person from the things we have gone through. We still have a lot to experience but I hope that in the end I can emerge a better person.